Take
this quiz to determine if your beloved is joyful or jealous of your way with
words.
Perhaps
the most potent idea to come out of Julia Cameron’s landmark 1992 book, The Artist’s Way, is the notion of the Shadow
Artist, an archetypal figure who tries to compensate for his own blocked
creativity by latching onto an actual artist and lavishing praise on her.
Oh, I know. You’re thinking, What’s so bad about being lavished with praise? You might feel
differently on that eventual morning when Shnookums rolls over in bed and says,
“Honey, it’s great that you’re an artist and all, but when are you going to get
a real job?” Because adoration, left in the sun for too long, has a way of
turning to bitter, coagulating resentment – and you have the nerve to be living
your partner’s dream!
Congratulations
– you have just been targeted for a lengthy campaign of passive-aggressive
sabotage from a Shadow Writer.
The
obvious thing for a writer to do is to avoid these people like the lactose
intolerant avoid ice cream. But it ain’t easy, because many of them resemble
normal, even likable human beings. With that in mind, I offer the following
quiz. Find out now: is your partner a shadow writer?
1.
When my Hot Potatah goes to a karaoke bar, he likes to…
A.
Have a drink and
listen to the singers belt out a few songs.
B.
Have a couple of
drinks and try out one of his favorite songs.
C.
Have several
drinks and try to get everyone else to sing one of his favorite songs.
2.
My Pug-Nose Dream has some killer ideas that she’d like to try out as soon as
she…
A.
Gets some
vacation time.
B.
Takes a writing
class.
C.
Gets Stephen King
to drop that nasty restraining order.
3.
My Bubbelah says that the best thing about being an author would be…
A.
Getting to share
his ideas with the public.
B.
Improving his
ability to express himself.
C.
Getting to wear
tweed whenever he wanted!
4.
If my Reason for Being and I were playing Scrabble, and I spelled out
“effervescence” over two triple-word scores for a total of 192 points, she
would…
A.
Congratulate me
on my linguistic skill.
B.
Jokingly stab
herself with an invisible knife.
C.
Douse the board
with gasoline, light it on fire, and toss it over the balcony into the busy
intersection below.
5.
When my Studmuffin meets a published author, he likes to…
A.
Ask her about her
latest project.
B.
Ask her for
advice on writing.
C.
Give her a list
of five or six books that she really ought to read.
6.
If I decided to leave writing for a more stable career, my Pookie would…
A.
Help me to
carefully consider my options before making a decision.
B.
Tell me that
whatever I decided was fine by her.
C.
Act elated, then
dump me for a poet.
7.
My Main Man’s favorite device for developing ideas is…
A.
Clustering.
B.
Speedwriting.
C.
Searching
“writer” on match.com.
8.
On the night of my book release party, my Huggy Bear is likely to ask…
A.
Isn’t this
exciting?
B.
Are you nervous?
C.
Why is it always
about you?
9.
When pressed, my Darling Dude would admit that he puts off writing because…
A.
His parents
wanted him to be a doctor.
B.
He has a fear of
rejection.
C.
Why bother
writing when some big asteroid’s going to hit the Earth anyway, the only
survivors will be cockroaches, and have you ever seen a cockroach trying to use
a typewriter? It’s pathetic.
10.
I knew my Squirrelly Girl was interested in literature when she...
A.
Asked me what I
thought of magical realism.
B.
Mentioned a
poetry reading she had attended.
C.
Showed up for our
first date in a negligee made entirely from typewriter ribbons.
11.
When I wake up after an all-night deadline writing session, I know that my Don
Juan will…
A.
Make sure there’s
a pot of coffee on.
B.
Give me a nice
neck rub.
C.
Say, “Sure must
be nice, getting to sleep in!”
12.
If a friend of ours signed a huge publishing contract, my Glamour Goddess
would…
A.
Send him a handwritten
note of congratulations.
B.
Throw a big party
with all of our friends.
C.
Disappear into
the night; leave me for him without so much as a typewritter ribbon as a
memento.
Scoring: If you answered C on three to four questions, you and
your sweetie might need to have a talk. If you answered C on five to seven, you
might want to seek counseling. If eight to nine, please send us your sweetie’s
name and photo so we can put him or her on our Writer’s Digest Shadow Writer
Hotline. If 10 or more, we hear Mexico is really nice this time of year. (If
you answered C on Question 9, read something by William S. Burroughs.)
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